The Real Walking Dead

I've been forcibly inducted into a club I never wanted to join.

The hazing ritual is brutal, unlike anything you can imagine.

Against my will, and with no acceptance on my part, I now belong to a group of people who are the strongest, kindest, most compassionate, most raw, loving people on the planet.

We are the grieving parents, the real walking dead.

We died the day our children died, but our hearts kept beating. We look alive on the outside, but on the inside we are a rotting corpse.

And we talk about you.

We "bless your hearts" and we shake our heads and roll our eyes. You go about your lives in ignorant bliss, and we are jealous.

You complain about teenage angst, toddler tantrums, all-nighters with a new baby, and we want to slap you, and we want to be you.

We miss the days when we were ignorant, when we said stupid things trying to comfort someone. We miss the days when our worst struggles were what was for dinner, a messy house, or a disagreement with our spouse.

It's like Hotel California in here. We can check out but we can never leave.

But we don't want you in here. As much as we wish you could understand and comfort us the way we need to be comforted, we do not want you in this club.

It is the only way you would understand or be able to comfort us the way we deeply truly need, but its not worth it. We don't want a single other member to join ever.

But new members come daily. And we slide over to give them room, put an arm around them and we begin at the beginning with them, over and over.

Dear Future Daughters-In-Law

As I watch my little boys grow up to be men, I reflect on how I have tried to prepare them for life. It is very important to me that they have well-rounded skills that will be helpful to them as husbands.

Lifeskills, if you will, that will be useful to them and also be appreciated by their wives. My husband has been consistent to teach them manly things, yet he was never taught to notice or do things that would have helped me out around the house, especially when i had just given birth, or was working a night shift.

So the list of things he has been teaching them includes minor car repair, and maintenance, yard work, small engine work, plumbing, electrical, appliance repair, farm maintenance, driving a stick, etc. I am eternally grateful to have married a man with these skills. He has saved us countless dollars by being an all around amazing handyman.

He has also led them on the path of a strong Christian man. They know what a faithful Christian leader looks like, and they have been practicing diligently in prayer and study and worship. They see how their dad leads our family, yet works together with their mama to lead their home.

I have added to those skills the daily, often overlooked kind of skills, like cooking, meal planning, washing dishes, laundry, cleaning a bathroom, first aid, babysitting, managing money, sewing, reading for pleasure, etc.

I want you to know that I have put my heart into preparing them for you. Whether they retain these skills, or recognize when they are needed, is on them. They cannot plead ignorance when there are no clean plates, or underwear. So don't let em fool ya!

I am so excited at the thought of having precious ladies in our family who are loved deeply by my sons. I look forward to sweet babies that I can spoil and love on! You are the reason I can let go of my sadness over the passing of time. I cannot wait to know you!

P.S.  Dear Future Son-In-Law.......... Good Luck!

School Days

just wanted to put a couple pictures on line to preserve them for posterity. or whatever.
Farmer boy is absolutely going to get elective credits for car maintenance! Here is evidence that he was changing the oil in the van. Child labor at its finest!

 

The next picture is evidence that we did kindergarten work! We have loved using Five in a Row and are so grateful to friends who were willing to lend us not only FIAR books but the books that go with them!! What you see is a mass of story disks, for geography! This has been the easiest and most fun way to connect stories that otherwise could be totally unrelated.  I absolutely plan to do this again when Minnie starts "formal" education. =P

 

Sorry for the flash, no natural light in the hallway. This is showing two years of geography for the big boys. We used Richard Halliburton's Book of Marvels, the occident and the orient. This was recommended by the same amazing friend who lent us FIAR! Along with keeping journals of each place visited, we would put a pin in the map and keep a red thread going from place to place. There are 60 locations, 30 per year. some were too close for their own pin. I can't think about what the wall behind looks like!!

 

so just a little evidence of what school we managed to get through during these crazy times.

Blessings!

On My Mind

I have spent way too much time on facebook lately. I never really spent much time at all there, but lately I find myself sucked in to reading everyone's updates. I have always been annoyed by the pointless updates about going to the store, what they are eating, etc. And don't even get me started on telling me you are at Disney, or whereever, "Thanks for the info" says the stalker who is breaking into your house because you wont be back for a week!!!!

So one thing that is heavy on my heart is this whole gay marriage stuff. I am gonna just say this, it doesn't matter whether or not it becomes legal. We already legally kill babies everyday, one million of them, every day. Murder is sin, homosexuality is sin. period. Mans laws do not override Gods laws. period. But, don't be surprised when pedophilia becomes legalized, then beastiality, because that is the path we are one. What? If you think homosexuals are born that way, and can't help their urges and should be free to express them, then you have no arguement against pedophiles who will say that they were born with those urges and cant help themselves and therefore should be free to express them. There is nothing new under the sun. These sins have been going on since the beginning of time, and will continue until God has had enough.

Then there is Easter, all over the internet, everyone is remembering Christ and how he died on the cross. Yep, once a year, lets make a big deal about it. We are commanded by Christ to remember him daily, and to ceremonially remember him every week. Every Sunday we are to go to the cross and remember how he died for our sins. We are all sinners in need of Him. I am not a holier than thou Christian. I need forgivness and grace. every. day. I am not up on a soap box preaching, I am down on my knees. Seeking God's mercy. I just want to say that celebrating Easter, or Christmas for that matter, are just feel good holidays, not really worshipping God the way he has commanded.

No matter what our nation does, or who our president is, or what laws are passed, or how hypocritical we can all be. No matter what, I have to choose how I live, you have to choose how you live. I am chosing to do my best to follow God's will, to live as close to Christ as I can get. Yes, I believe in the perfect completeness of the Bible, all of it. I am not perfect, not even close.

This may be the first time I am writing here about deep stuff, but I don't think it will be the last time. I am finding my voice and my courage to say what needs to be said.

Adoption Day

Finally! I can't even put words together yet, but I wanted to share a few pictures from today! We want to thank the judge, lawyer, and especially our adoption caseworker for all the hard work and time that it took to get to today.  We went out for ice cream afterwards to celebrate! Expect more pics and stories soon..... maybe :)

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Toy Kitchen

I have so much to share that I still can't! I can't wait till February to share pictures of our family!! For now here are a couple pics of the toy kitchen we built for Minnie. It turned out exactly like the vision in my head, thanks to my personal carpenter, the Farmer. Here is the only before shot I took..... sorry.

This was a small tv cabinet with glass doors on the front and a swivel top so the tv could move around. We had already removed the doors and the top before I got this pic.....again, sorry.

Now for the after, because I didn't take a single during pic.......... bad blogger, sorry.

So, we used the board that swiveled as the oven door and a divider for the oven and the shelves. We used the magnetic thingies (technically correct word, of course) as the closure for the oven. It works great. I didnt take a pic inside, but we used old wire shelving for a rack. The sides and back are left over beadboard from my pantry redo (I haven't blogged about that either, sorry). The shelves were some I have had for years that I never found a home for. The sink is a dog food bowl. The knobs for the stove and the faucet came from Lowes. The faucet was the most expensive thing for the whole project. If I had planned better I would have gone to the Habitat store. Oh well, I probably spent less since I didn't burn the gas to go there. The stove eyes are cds, I just hot glued them for now, so far so good! The window was made of scraps, it is open on the top so I can change out the scene. For now it is snowing outside, haha! I sewed the curtains, a potholder, and an apron out of the same fabric. I don't looove it but the colors match my kitchen so it will do for now. I made some felt and fabric food too! So far, bowtie pasta, ravioli, strawberries, and eggs. I didnt use any real patterns but the general ideas found on pinterest and other blogs. I am not the one to teach how to sew, I tend to fly by the seat of my pants. It usually works out. I got various accessories from walmart and the dollar tree. The mickey mouse salt and pepper shakers came from target. I knew Minnie would looove them.

She is sooo tiny! I like decorating the shelves since she can't reach them!!!

The kitchen total cost was almost $50. Not bad for a one of a kind awesome toy that will be used for a long time. All the accessories was another $20. So it was still way cheaper than a comparable storebought version.

I forgot to take a pic of the fridge. We have a small antique icebox that a friend was throwing away, so I spray painted it white and the inside aqua blue. Minnie keeps here plastic fruits and veggies in there.

So there it is! Come on over and play some time!

 

 

 

First Engagement Shoot

Had a great  shoot with a sweet couple! They were very patient with me and went along with my ideas even when they didn't work out!!!

These are straight out of the camera. I am trying to learn how to use picasa to glam it up.